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Tasmin

8/26/2014

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I was supposed to assess where she stood on these standardised levels of reading. She was trying really hard to say the word 'hurry'. She pressed her finger as hard on the word as she could and repeated it in a gazillion different ways and everytime she would look at me for my approval. Though I wasnt making any gestures, but she could somehow make out that she wasn't correct.

And finally she got it, she read it right and she read that in my eyes. Her face beamed.

And  then a silent oath was taken between the both of us. She being the fighter and I, well, the teacher.

Little Tasmin's beautiful eyes are always keen on detail. She would make sure to follow all rules to the hilt and her answers though incorrect are always presented in a near perfect way.

She is not the brightest of students  but she is an inspiration. She is relentless in answering  a question a hundred times until she gets it correct and boldly telling me that what I wrote on the board was wrong because 1010 is more than 1104 as clearly  it has more number of zeroes.

She WANTS to learn. With TFI chances are, she will.

I wish I had a photo of her. I never got it :)
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Shaheen and Anjali

8/26/2014

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Shaheen (Also CEO Teach for India) and Anjali are the forerunners of Akanksha school 

Overwhelmed. Inspired. But not surprised. Children have been sent here to blossom. And each child has that right and given a conducive environment, he/she shall do exactly that .Blossom.

She inspired me, the girl who danced. She inspired me, the girl who made the luxembourg project.

He inspired me, the one who still had the weakest spoken English, but had the courage to take over the mike and tell everyone that he had improved on his confidence.

They were 14-15 year olds talking about how 'change takes time' and how succeeding was so much about 'prioritizing'.

They were living examples of the power of dreams.

I loved every moment they were out there giving us a piece of their 'heart'.

And Shaheen and Anjali . One word. Respect.
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To Razia, With Love

8/26/2014

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I met Razia in a slum community in Pune during Teach for India training. She was about 12 then. 

We needed to do the community activity. Did not feel up to it but did it because it had to be done. I  did not  gain anything out of it. I did not give anything back. But I did make a momentary friend. Someone who summed up her entire life infront of me, as she weaved through the ‘henna’ design on my palm and in the process she got a good glimpse into mine too.
Razia, I know you are immensely talented. I know you have learnt to do the mehendi design, dancing , cooking and what not, all on your own. I can understand your love for computers and college and all the little things that make your life beautiful.  I have so much respect for you. I wish the world was a fairer place. But I must say, because of the artist you are, your  experiences  when you use you art for sheer pleasure will overshadow the question of you being underprivileged.
And as I told you, please be safe. People might make use of the free spirit you are.

May god help you fly.
May you have a wonderful, wonderful life.
Love,
Shefali.
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Khurchan

1/5/2013

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जब घर से वापिस आ रही थी तोह माँ ने बेसन के  कुछ लड्डू दिए थे. वैसे मिठाई कुछ खास पसंद नहीं पर घर के देसी घी के बेसन के लड्डू बड़े शौक़ से खाती हूँ.

मुंबई के गर्मी में घी पिघल गया और सारे लड्डू  एक साथ मिल गए. आजकल चम्मच से खुरच के हर आधे घंटे में थोडा सा खा लेती हूँ. मिठास आ जाती हैं रूह में.

काश मोहब्बत के साथ भी ऐसा होता. हमसफ़र से ले आते व्होलेसले में ढेर सारी मोहब्बत और यूँ ही खुरचन में रोज़ उसे महसूस कर पाते. पर हमेशा मन का कहाँ होता है

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Chheentein

12/5/2012

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यूँ  तो   सालों  गुज़र  गए  पर   महसूस  करो  तो आज  सुबह  का  ही  किस्सा  है।  मुझे  लगता  था की मैं रात के लिए ही बनी हूँ।  दिन मजबूरी का सौदा है, एक ऐसी ज़िम्मेदारी जो निभानी है।  सुबह उठने में जितनी मशक्कत की है वो शायद ही किसी और काम में होती होगी।  

माँ का भी स्कूल के लिए जगाने का एक schedule होता था।  पहले  धीमी आवाज़ , फिर जोर से और बाद में न उठे तो ठन्डे पानी के छीटें। और एक बार अगर पानी हाथ में आ गया तो मुह पर छीटें पड़ने ही हैं फिर चाहे आप माँ के क़दमों में गिर के मिन्नतें करो या आँगन में दौड़ जाओ. वोह छीटें पीछा करते  और सच में अधखुली आखों से रूह तक छू जाते थे वो बर्फ से ठन्डे छीटें. 

आज अचानक उन छीटों की याद सी आ गयी. मुंबई लोकल में जिन्होंने भी सफ़र किया है वोह जानते हैं वहां के rules कितने सख्त हैं। सीट छोड़ने का रिवाज़ नहीं है। चाहे कोई बड़ा हो या बच्चा। बड़े मुश्किलात के साथ २ इंच की जगह मिलती है बैठने की। दिन भर की मशक्कत के बाद ४ पल के आराम का हर कोई हक़दार होता है। इंसानियत औंघा सी रही होती है। या सुबह कच्ची नींद से उठने के कारण या फिर काम के बोझ से। फिर इन बोझिल सी आँखों को किसी और की तकलीफ कहाँ दिखाई देगी. 

मैं शायद lucky  हूँ. ऐसे तो उम्र ही नींद के झोकें में कटी हैं पर हाँ तकलीफ फिर वोह किसी की भी हो, नज़रंदाज़ नहीं होती।  और मुझे शायद कभी इतनी थकान भी नहीं  होती। इसीलिए जब भी अपने से ज्यादा ज़रुरत में किसीको देखती हूँ उठ खड़ी हो जाती हूँ उन पैरों पर जिन्हें वैसे भी चलने की आदत है। और उस सीट पे अक्सर कोई बूढा, या छोटा सा बच्चा बैठ जाता है। अगर खुदा की कोई शक्ल है तो उसकी आखें दुआ देती हुई बूढी आखों की तरह होंगी और मुस्कराहट  की ताजगी एक छोटे बच्चे  की तरह।  उस एक पल में खुदा की झलक मिल जाती है वो भी बड़े ही सस्ते में। 

लेकिन कुछ और भी होता है.

मुझे किसी और के लिए खड़ा होते देख, अचानक ही एक लहर सी दौड़ जाती है पूरे डब्बे में। हर कोई मुझे अपनी सीट पे जगह देने लगता है।  ऐसा लगता है की लोगों के चेहरे पे इंसानियत के ठंडी छीटें मारो तो उनका थकन के नशे से बेहोश ज़मीर जाग जाता है।  

और माँ की याद आ जाती है। 
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Ghar

11/29/2012

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एक हारे हुए दिन के बाद  उसने घर पहुँच कर घंटी पर हाथ रखा ही था जब उसे याद आया की अन्दर कोई न था. चाबी निकालने के लिए जब हाँथ बैग के अन्दर डाला तो ऐसा लगा जैसे १ महीना नहीं बरसों बीत गए हों उस चाबी को वोही रखे हुए. जैसे वोह भी कुछ रोज़ चैन की नींद सोयी थी.कुछ रोज  के लिए ही सही वोह घर वापिस घर लगने लगा था. बड़े दिनों बाद दोतरफा आवाजें आती थी उस घर से. और रात में २ लोग अपनी आने वाले जीवन के बारे में बातें करते हुए उस कमरे को भी कुछ ऐसे ख्वाब दिखा जाते थे जो वोह दीवारें दिन भर जीतीं.

वोह चाबी घुमाने में न जाने कितना वक़्त लगा उसे की कई बार ख्याल आया की वापस लौट जाए.कमरे में घुसते ही जो तन्हाई चुपचाप उसकी राह तकती थी आज वोह भी आते से ही शिकायत करने लगी. चूल्हे पे चाय चढ़ाई तोह उसने भी इक अजनबी भरी निगाह से देखा. जैसे की उसे किसी और की तलाश थी. हाँ चाय का ज़िम्मा तोह अनुराग का था और खाना भी आकांक्षा कितने प्यार से बनाती थी.उसे खुद को न कुछ खाने का शौक था न बनाने का.

Kitchen  तो भूख हाथ पकड़कर ज़बरदस्ती ले जाया करती थी उसे . फिर कुछ खाके जब सोने लगी तो कुछ बोलते बोलते रह गयी. उठा देना मुझे एक घंटे बाद. Gym जाना है. इससे पहले की कुछ और सोच पाती जल्दी से  घडी में अलार्म लगाया और सो गयी.

शाम में जब उठी सब कुछ वैसा ही था जैसे उसने छोड़ा था.  दरवाज़े की तरफ देखा तोह तीन की जगह सिर्फ एक   कुण्डी लगी थी.

 देखकर हंस दी कैसे लोग कुछ पल के लिए ही आकर हर कहीं अपनी छाप छोड़ जाते हैं.
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Small Town Girl

6/6/2012

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Kanpur is not just the city i was born in, infact i wasn't born here. Kanpur is my city. It the answer to the question "where do you belong to?".and like most things that are a given in my life and have the pronoun 'my' before them, I love it.

Technically I am migrant; a product of the evil called 'urbanisation'.Four years in a village made this city into an aspiration. I still remember waiting for the 'vikram' to come and take us to the city forever. It was a better place.Period.

Today Mumbai is a better place. But I have always been a tourist there. That city gave wings to my imagination. I am awed by its freedom but despite its everyday eve teasing, despite the horrible traffic , despite being unruly , despite everything, Kanpur is MY city.

And  if  I dont belong here, I dont belong anywhere.
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Akansha

5/17/2012

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Akanksha leaves tomorrow for bangalore. it marks the end of another innings in less than a phone call distance. i wish i could tell her how much i will miss her.
how we always end up having such a superb time despite everything. 
how everytime i hit rock bottom.. she picks up my pieces .. puts them in the right order and gives them back to me.ofcourse not without the wanings though.
how i dont mind being her pet dog. how my huge macho ego doesn’t even exist when it comes to her. how she calls me a wierdo and i dont feel sorry for being one. 
how the other day she told me i was extreme and how that was a good thing. how she never gives me those you should try and be balanced talks and yet makes me want to be more cautious.
akanksha you wonderful wonderful wonderful girl… 
i love you . i really do.
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Naveen

2/2/2012

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Context : I taught 3rd graders as a fellow with Teach for India, in a government school in Dharavi. Nearly all kids came from economically poor backgrounds and with little parental support in education. 



First month of teaching


Me : Naveen why don’t you fold your collar?(enacting it). 
He did not understand English, and I was trying to immerse him in English for some reason.
Naveen : Teacher nahi karega, apun ‘bhai’ hai.( Teacher, I won't do it. I am a 'Bhai' or a Mafia Don)
Me : Naveen. Please?  He did not relent.

Repeat for a month. No effect.

In the mean time I tell them stories about people I appreciate and why. People in different professions that I had read about and sometimes I made up stories.
After a few weeks, we are finally ready to our own ‘What do I want to be?’ session.
While a lot of kids want to be doctors and engineers, and many girls want to be teachers just like me and Adarsh wants to be a ‘jhadoo-man’ much before AAP and ‘Swachh Bharat’ came into existence, Naveen raises his hand and says he wants to be a police officer like Julio Ribeiro.
Now was my moment. I know he has opened himself. I smile.

Me: Great! Why do you want to be a policeman Naveen?
Naveen :Teacher I like fight, I safe (I like to fight and I can fight to save people )
Me :  That is such a good idea Naveen. And what about being a Bhai, can you be a Bhai and a policeman? I look at his collar with a smile.


Naveen smiles, you should see him smile. He just lights up everything around him.

After the recess, Naveen’s collar is down.
I look at him and raise my hand for a high five, and oh boy!

His collar never came up again. Infact, he convinced some others to put their collars down.

**
Cut to six months later.


Naveen hit another kid in class during a fist fight. I take Naveen outside the class and

Me : Why did you hit him?
Naveen : He first ( .. hit me)
Me : Naveen, let me ask you a question. When you become a police officer and in Dharavi when one person hits another person, what should he do? Come to you, so that you can help him or start fighting and the fight becomes big. ( all the while thinking this is such a long shot) 
Naveen : Sorry teacher, I angry. Not again. ( I did not have to explain to him, that he should come to me, he is such a smart kid.)
Me : Then you promise me that you will not hit someone again?

Naveen : No promise teacher. Mujhe gussa aayega toh promise toot jaayega. ( I cannot promise because if I get angry, he did have anger issues, and hit someone, our promise will break)

I am in tears and hug him real tight. That remains one of the most emotional moments of my life. 
I love him so much.







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The hope.

5/1/2011

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A letter that  wrote to my kids during Teach for India training days before I even met them.






Dear Kids
I do not know who you are. I do not know where you come from. I do not even know if you need any of what I am being trained to do for you or will you accept what I desire to give you. But for one thing I am sure, that no matter what it is that makes you smile, I will try my best.
And we are partners in this . Because I will need your help in everything I do and if we can do this together , I know we will make it to someplace better, someplace more beautiful.

Love,
Shefali 
Your teacher to be.          
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